A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die.”

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work. Read the rest of this entry »

Adjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride.

“Well, you see, this morning when I got up,” he said, “I was barely awake from a wonderful night of love-making. More out of habit than anything else, I put a fifty dollar bill on the dresser.” Read the rest of this entry »

A big city London lawyer went duck hunting in rural Scotland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and your not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer replied. “I’m one of the best trial lawyers in the UK, and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Scotland. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Scottish Three Kick Rule.”

Read the rest of this entry »

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?” Read the rest of this entry »

WHY AMERICANS ARE JOBLESS

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES).

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. Read the rest of this entry »