A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

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Erap/Jinggoy

Jinggoy: ang ganda ng sasakyan oh, siguro kay Mayor yan
Erap: hindi kay Mayor yan no!
Jinggoy: ah, kay warden!
Erap: tanga, hindi kay warden yan, kay father yan, d mo ba nahalata sa likuran, SaFari…

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Erap/Loi Making Love

Erap : ” Luv, alam mo ikaw lang ang naiikama ko ”
Loi : Sweet mo naman luv!
Erap : Oo, kasi, yung iba, sa CR, Sala, Kusina at kung saan saan pa!

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Here’s a list of best or worst pickup lines, depending if you get the girl or not…

The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I like every bone in your body especially mine.

How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?

Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on a table and take anything I want?

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Peter, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.

‘I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ Ken responds.
‘I’m in the process of quitting,’ replies Peter with a grin. ‘Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.’

‘Phase one?’ wonders Ken.

‘Yeah,’ laughs Peter, ‘I’ve quit buying.’