One night as a couple lay down for bed, the husband taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again…

This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

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A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife’s birthday. His wife told him “All right buster, tomorrow there had better be something in the driveway for me that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds flat or you’re in for it!”

The next morning the wife awoke early and looking out her bedroom window, spotted a small package in the driveway. She was a little perturbed as this wasn’t what she was expecting. She went out and retrieved the package, and upon opening it, found a handsome, brand new bathroom scale!

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Saturday.