Peter, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.
‘I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ Ken responds.
‘I’m in the process of quitting,’ replies Peter with a grin. ‘Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.’
‘Phase one?’ wonders Ken.
‘Yeah,’ laughs Peter, ‘I’ve quit buying.’
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Read the rest of this joke »
Melanie Marquez’s quotable quotes:
“I coudn’t care a damn!”
“What’s your next class before this?”
“Can you repeat that for the 2nd time around once more?”
“Hello, my brother Joey is out of town, would you like to wait?”
“Don’t touch me not!”
Host: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”
Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”
Host: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?
Is it……..
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked ”How much is 2 plus 2?”
The housewife replies: ”Four!”
The accountant says: ”I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, ”How much do you want it to be?”
