A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.”
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.”
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from one of most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”
“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Filipino replied.
“In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.”
“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave.” The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
“And what is your second wish, ?” the Sheik asked.
Filipino smiled and said, “Tie the Pakistani to my back” !!!
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.
Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room.
One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if
I stay. I’ll give it a try’
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than 100
people may leave. 2,000 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody but myself, but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’ So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500
people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘I left high school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?’ So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to
leave. 498 people leave the room.
MARIO says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?’ So he stays and finds himself with one other
candidate.
Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.’
Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?’ (What is that, man?)
The other candidate answers ‘Ewan ko nga, pare.’ (I don’t know, buddy.)
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, “Ooh dad, there’s one.” “No,” said the father. “There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait.”
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, “Hey dad, he’s plenty big enough.” “No,” the father said. “We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait.”
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, “Now there’s nothing wrong with that one dad. Let’s eat her.”
“No,” said the father. “We’ll not eat her either.”
“Why not?” asked the son.
“Because, we’re going to take her back alive and eat your mother.”
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote one son, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”
“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”
“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!”
